Everything is Fucked: A Book About Hope

The Uncomfortable Truth | S.8

[...] heroism isn't just bravery or guts or shrewd maneuvering. These things are common and are often used in unheroic ways. No, being heroic is the ability to conjure hope where there is none. [...] To take a situation where everything seems to be absolutely fucked and still somehow make it good. Bravery is common. Resilience is common. But heroism has a philosophical component to it. There's some great "Why?" that heroes bring to the table - some incredible cause or belief that goes unshaken, no matter what.

The Uncomfortable Truth | S.10

"I have tried to live my life in such that in the hour of my death I would feel joy rather than fear."

The Uncomfortable Truth -> How May I Help You? | S.12

Here's what a lot of people don't get: the opposite of happiness is not anger or sadness. If you're angry or sad, that means you still give a fuck about something. That means something still matters. That means you still have hope.

No, the opposite of happiness is hopelessness, an endless gray horizon of resignation and indifference. It's the belief that everything is fucked, so why do anything at all?

Hopelessness is a cold and bleak nihilism, a sense that there is no point, so fuck it. It is the Uncomfortable Truth, a silent realization that in the face of infinity, everything we could possibly care about quickly approaches zero.

Hopelessness is the root of anxiety, mental illness, and depression. It is the source of all misery and the cause of all addiction. [...] Chronic anxiety is a crisis of hope. Is is the fear of a failed future. Depression is a crisis of hope. It is the belief in a meaningless future. Delusion, addiction, obsession - these are all the mind's desperate and compulsive attempts at generating hope [...].

The Uncomfortable Truth -> The Paradox of Progress | S.19

To build and maintain hope, we need three things: a sense of control, a belied in the value of something and a community. "Control" means we feel as though we're in control of our own life, that wen can affect our fate. "Values" mean we find something important enough to work toward, something better, that's worth striving for. And "community" means we are part of a group that values the same things we do and is working toward achieving those things.

Without a community, we feel isolated, and our values cease to mean anything. Without values, nothing appears worth pursuing. And without control, we feel powerless to pursue anything. Lose any of the three, and you lose the other two. Lose any of the three, and you lose hope.

Self-Control Is an Illusion -> You Have Two Brains and They're Really Bad at Talking to Each Other | S.32

When we think of ourselves and our decision making, we generally assume that the Thinking Brain is driving our Consciousness Car and the Feeling Brain is sitting in the passenger seat shouting out where it wants to go. We're driving along, accomplishing our goals and figuring out how to get home, when that damn Feeling Brain sees something shiny or sexy or fun-looking and yanks the setting wheel in another direction [...]..

This is the Classic Assumption, the belief that our reason is ultimately in control of our life and that we must train our emotions to sit the fuck down and shut up while the adult is driving. We then applaud this kidnapping and abuse of our emotions by congratulating ourselves on our self-control.

Here's the truth: the Feeling Brain is driving our Consciousness Car. The Feeling Brain drives the Consciousness Car because, ultimately, we are moved to action only be emotion. That's because action is emotion. Emotion is the biological hydraulic system that pushes our bodies into movement. [...] This leads to the simplest and most obvious answer to the timeless question, why don't we do things we know we should do? Because we don't feel like it. Every problem of self-control is not a problem of information or discipline or reason but, rather, of emotion. Self-control is an emotional problem; laziness is an emotional problem; procrastination is an emotional problem; impulsiveness is an emotional problem.

Self-Control Is an Illusion -> An Open Letter to Your Thinking Brain | S.46

The Thinking Brain is objective and factual. The Feeling Brain is subjective and relative. And no matter what we do, we can never translate one form of knowledge into the other. [...] The feeling of unworthiness is usually the result of some bad shit happening to us at some point. We suffer through some terrible stuff, and our Feeling Brain decides that we deserved those bad experiences. Therefore, it sets out, despite the Thinking Brain's better knowledge, to repeat and reexperience that suffering. This is the fundamental problem of self-control. This is the fundamental problem with hope - not an uneducated Thinking Brain, but an uneducated Feeling Brain, a Feeling Brain that has adopted and accepted poor value judgements about itself and the world. And this is the real work of anything that even resembles psychological healing: getting our values straight with ourselves so that we can get our values straight with the world.

Newton's Laws of Emotion -> For Every Action, There is an Equal and Opposite Emotional Reaction | S.53

It's our natural psychological inclination to equalize across moral gaps, to reciprocate actions: positive for positive; negative for negative. The forces that impel us to fill those gaps are our emotions. In this sense, every action demand an equal and opposite emotional reaction.

Newton's Laws of Emotion -> For Every Action, There is an Equal and Opposite Emotional Reaction | S.55

This is essentially what "growth" is: reprioritizing one's value hierarchy in an optimal way.

Newton's Laws of Emotion -> Our Self-Worth Equals the Sum of Our Emotions Over Time | S.61

We all overestimate our skills and intentions and underestimate the skills and intentions of others. Most people believe that they are of above-average intelligence and have an above-average ability at most things, especially when they are not and do not. We all tend to believe that we're most honest and ethical than we actually are. We will each, given the chance, delude ourselves into believing that what's good for us is also good for everyone else. When we screw up, we tend to assume it was some happy accident. But when someone else screws up, we immediately rush to judge that person's character. [...] Every individual will blind herself to her own flaws while seeking out the glaring flaws of others. [...] Our Feeling Brains warp reality in such a way so that we believe that our problems and pain are somehow special and unique in the world, despite all evidence to the contrary. Human being require this level of built-in narcissism because narcissism is our last line of defense against the Uncomfortable Truth. [...] Without a little bit of that narcissistic delusion. without that perpetual lie we tell ourselves about our specialness, we'd likely give up hope. But our inherent narcissism comes at a cost. Whether you believe you're the best in the world or the worst in the world, one thing is also true: you are separate from the world. And it's this separateness that ultimately perpetuates unnecessary suffering.

Newton's Laws of Emotion -> Your Identity Will Stay Your Identity Until a New Experience Acts Against It | S.67

The values we pick up throughout our lives crystallize and form a sediment on top of our personality. The only way to change our values it to have experiences contrary to our values. And and attempt to break free from those values through new or contrary experiences will inevitably be met with pain and discomfort. It's why it is impossible to become someone new without first grieving the loss of who you used to be. Because when we lose our values, we grieve the death of those defining narratives as though we've lost a part of ourselves - because we have lost a part of ourselves. We grieve the same way we would grieve the loss of a loved one, the loss of a job, a house, a community, a spiritual belief, or a friendship. These are all defining, fundamental parts of you. And when they are torn away from you, the hope they offered your life is also torn away [...].

How to Make All Your Dreams Come True -> Step One: Sell Hope to the Hopeless | S.84

We are the most impressionable when things are at their worst. When our life is falling apart, it signifies that our values have failed us, and we're grasping in the dark for new values to replace them.

How to Make All Your Dreams Come True -> Step Five: Promise Heaven, Deliver Hell | S.107

The truth is, there is no end to the pain. [...] instead of admitting that the game is rigged, that our human nature is fundamentally designed to generate pain, [you're blamed] for not winning the game. [...] There are no solutions, only stopgap measures, only incremental improvements, only slightly better forms of fuckedness that others. And it's time we stop running from that and instead, embrace it.

Hope Is Fucked -> Pandoras's Box | S.128

Nietzsche instead believed that we must look beyond hope. We must look beyond values. We must evolve into something "beyond good and evil." For him, this morality of the future had to begin with something he called amor fati, or "love of one's fate": "My formula for greatness in a human being," he wrote, "is amor fati: that one wants nothing to be different, not forward, not backward, not in all eternity. Not merely bear what is necessary, still less conceal it - all idealism is mendacity in the face of what is necessary - but love it." Amor fati, for Nietzsche, meant the unconditional acceptance of all life and experience: the hights and lows, the meaning and the meaninglessness. It meant loving ones pain, embracing one's suffering. It meant closing the separation between one's desires and reality not by striving for more desires, but by simply desiring reality.

It basically meant: hope for nothing. Hope for what already is - because hope is ultimately empty. Anything your mind can conceptualize is fundamentally flawed and limited and therefore damaging if worshipped unconditionally. Don't hope for more happiness. Don't hope for less suffering. Don't hope to improve your character. Don't hope to eliminate your flaws.

Hope for this. Hope for the infinite opportunity and oppression present in every single moment. Hope for the suffering that comes with freedom. For the pain that comes from happiness. For the wisdom that comes from ignorance. For the power that comes from surrender.

And then act despite it. This is our challenge, our calling: To act without hope. To not hope for better. To be better. In this moment and the next. And the next. And the next.

Everything is fucked. And hope is both the cause and the effect of that fuckedness.

The Formula of Humanity -> The One Rule for Life | S.154

Kant argued that the most fundamental moral duty is the preservation and growth of consciousness, both in ourselves and in others. He called this principle of always putting consciousness first "the Formula of Humanity" [...]. The Formula of Humanity states, "Act that you use humanity, whether in your own person or in the person of any other, always at the same time as an end, never merely as a means." That's it. The Formula of Humanity is the single principle that pulls people out of adolescent bargaining and into adult virtue.

See, the problem with hope is that it is fundamentally transactional - it is a bargain between one's current actions for some imagined, pleasant future. [...]

To transcend the transactional realm of hope, one must act unconditionally. [...]

Kant summed up these unconditional acts with one simple principle: you must treat humanity never merely as a means, but always as an end itself.

The Formula of Humanity -> The One Rule for Life | S.155

Means are things that we do conditionally. They are what we bargain with.

And end is something that is desired for its own sake. It is the defining motivating factor of our decisions and behaviors.

[Kants] Formula of Humanity states that treating any human being (or any consciousness) as a means to some other end is the basis of all wrong behavior. [...]

If there were ever to be a single rule to describe all desirable human behavior, the Formula of Humanity would probably be it. [...] unlike other moral systems or codes, the Formula of Humanity does not rely on hope. [...]

The Formula of Humanity is merely a principle. [...]

The Formula of Humanity -> The Modern Maturity Crisis | S.161

Extremism, on both the right and the left, has become more politically prominent across the world in the past few decades. [...] there are likely many complicated and overlapping reasons. But allow me to throw out another one: that the maturity of our culture is deteriorating. Throughout the rich and developed world, we are not living through a crisis of wealth or material, but a crisis of character, a crisis or virtue, a crisis of means and ends. The fundamental political schism in the twenty-first century is no longer right versus left, but the impulsive childish values of the right and left versus the compromising adolescent/adult values of both the right and left. It's no longer a debate of communism versus capitalism or freedom versus quality but, rather, of maturity versus immaturity, of means versus ends.

Pain Is the Universal Constant -> Traveling at the Speed of Pain | S.174

Because you can't get rid of pain - pain is the universal constant of the human condition. Therefore, the attempt to move away from pain, to protect oneself from all harm, can only backfire. Trying to eliminate pain only increases your sensitivity to suffering, rather than alleviating your suffering. It causes you to see dangerous ghosts in every nook, to see tyranny and oppression in every authority, to see hate and deceit behind every embrace. No matter how much progress is made, not matter how peaceful and comfortable and happy our lives become, the Blue Dot Effect will snap us back to a perception of a certain amount of pain and dissatisfaction. Most people who win millions in the lottery don't end up happier in the long run. On average, they also end up feeling the same.

This is because pain is the experience of life itself. Positive emotions are the temporary removal of pain; negative emotions the temporary augmentation of it. To numb one's pain is to numb all feeling, all emotion. It is to quietly remove oneself from living.

[...] the point is, no only is there no escaping the experience of pain, but pain is the experience. This is why hope is ultimately self-defeating and self-perpetuating: no matter what we achieve, no matter what peace and prosperity we find, our mind will quickly adjust its expectations to maintain a steady sense of adversity, thus forcing the formulation of a new hope, a new religion, a new conflict to keep us going.

[...] The pursuit of happiness is a toxic value that has long defined our culture. It is self-defeating and misleading. Living well does not mean avoiding suffering: it means suffering for the right reasons. Because if we're going to be forced to suffer by simply existing, we might as well learn how to suffer well.

Pain Is the Universal Constant -> Pain Is Value | S.191

When we pursue pain, we are able to choose what pain we bring into our lives. And this choice makes the pain meaningful - and therefore, it is what makes life feel meaningful. Because pain is the universal constant of life, the opportunities to grow from that pain are constant in life. All that is required is that we don't numb it, that we don't look away. All that is required is that we engage it and find the value and meaning in it. Pain is the source of all value. To numb ourselves to our pain is to numb ourselves to anything that matters in the world. Pain opens up the moral gaps that eventually become our most deeply held values and beliefs. When we deny ourselves the ability to feel pain for a purpose, we deny ourselves the ability to feel any purpose in our life at all.

The Feelings Economy | S.195

The Feelings Economy -> #FakeFreedom | S.206

This is the problem with exalting freedom over human consciousness. More stuff doesn't make us freer, it imprisons us with anxiety over whether we chose or did the best thing. More stuff causes us to become more prone to treating ourselves and other as means rather than ends. It makes us more dependent on the endless cycles of hope. If the pursuit of happiness pulls us all back into childishness, then fake freedom conspires to keep us there. Because freedom is not having more brands of cereal to choose from, or more beach vacations to take selfies on, or more satellite channels to fall asleep to. That is variety. And in a vacuum, variety is meaningless. If you are trapped by insecurity, stymied by doubt, and hamstrung by intolerance, you can all the variety in the world. But you are not free.

The Feelings Economy -> Real Freedom | S.206

The only true form of freedom, the only ethical form of freedom, it through self-limitation. It is not the privilege of choosing everything you want in your life, but rather, choosing what you will give up in your life.

This is not only real freedom, this is the only freedom. Diversions come and go. Pleasure never lasts. Variety loses its meaning. But you will always be able to choose what you are willing to sacrifice, what you are willing to give up.

This sort of self-denial is paradoxically the only thing that expands real freedom in life. The pain of regular physical exercise ultimately enhances you physical freedom - your strength, mobility, endurance, and stamina. The sacrifice of a strong work ethic gives you the freedom to pursue more job opportunities, to steer your own career trajectory, to earn more money and the benefits that come with it. The willingness to engage in conflict with others will free you to talk to anyone, to see if they share your values and beliefs, to discover what they can add to your life and what you can add to theirs.

You can become freer right now simply by choosing the limitations you want to impose on yourself. You can choose to wake up earlier each morning, to block you email until midafternoon each day, to delete social media apps from your phone. These limitations will free you because they will liberate your time, attention, and power of choice. They treat your consciousness as an end in itself.

If you struggle to go to the gym, then rent a locker and leave all your work clothes there so you have to go each morning. Limit yourself to two to three social event each week, so you are forced to spend time with the people you care about most. [...]

Ultimately, the most meaningful freedom in your life comes from your commitments, the things in life for which you have chosen to sacrifice. [...]

Greater commitment allows for greater depth. A lack of commitment requires superficiality.

The Feelings Economy -> Real Freedom | S.208

Fake freedom puts us on the treadmill toward chasing more, whereas real freedom is the conscious decision to live with less. Fake freedom is addictive: no matter hwo much you have, you always feel as thought it's not enough. Real freedom is repetitive, predictable, and sometimes dull.

Fake freedom has diminishing returns: it requires greater and greater amounts of energy to achieve the same joy and meaning. Real freedom has increasing returns: it requires less and less energy to achieve the same joy and meaning.

Fake freedom is seeing the world as en endless series of transactions and bargains which you feel your're winning. Real freedom is seeing the world unconditionally, which the only victory being over your own desires.

Fake freedom requires the world to conform to your will. Real freedom requires nothing of the world. It is only your will.

Ultimately, the overabundance of diversion and the fake freedom it produces limits your ability to experience real freedom. The more options we have, the more variety before us, the more difficult it becomes to choose, sacrifice, and focus. And we are seeing this conundrum play out across our culture today.

The Feelings Economy -> Plato's Prediction | S.211

Interestingly, despite being godfather of Western civilization, Plato famously claimed that democracy was not the most desirable form of government. He believed that democracy was inherently unstable and that it inevitably unleashed the worst aspects of our nature, driving society toward tyranny. He wrote, "Extreme freedom can't be expected to lead to anything but a change to extreme slavery."

Democracies are designed to reflect the will of the people. We've learned that people, when left to their own devices, instinctively run away from pain and toward happiness. The problem then emerges when people achieve happiness: It's never enough. Due to the Blue Dot Effect, they never feel entirely safe of satisfied. Their desires frow in lockstep with the quality of their circumstances.

[...] There is a common saying in the United States that "freedom is not free". The saying is usually used in reference to the military and wars fought and won to protect the values of the country. [...] It's a reminder that the basic human rights we enjoy were earned though a sacrifice against some external force.

But people forget that these rights are also earned through sacrifice against some internal force. Democracy can exist only when you are willing to tolerate views that oppose your own, the sake of a safe and healthy community, when you're willing to compromise and accept that sometimes things don't go your way.

Put another way: democracy required a citizenry of strong maturity and character.

Over the last couple of decades, people seem to have confused their basic human rights with not experiencing and discomfort. People want freedom to express themselves, but they don't want to have to deal with views that may upset or offend them in some way. [...]

Freedom itself demands discomfort. It demands dissatisfaction. Because the freer a society becomes, the more each person will be forced to reckon and compromise with views and lifestyles and ideas that conflict with their own. The lower our tolerance for pain, the more we indulge in fake freedom, the less we will be able to uphold the virtues necessary to allow a free, democratic society to function.

The Final Religion -> We Are Bad Algorithms | S.221

So, instead of looking for hope, try this: Don't hope. Don't despair, either. In fact, don't deign to believe you know anything. It's that assumption of knowing which such blind, fervent, emotional certainty tat gets us into these kinds of pickles int he first place. Don't hope for better. Just be better. Be something better. Be more compassionate, more resilient, more humble, more disciplined. Many people would also throw in there "Be more human." but no - be a better human. Any maybe, if we're lucky, one day we'll get to be more than human.